The Cannes Film Festival (n.) is attended by buyers, reported by the press, and experienced by everyone else as photographs of stairs.
The Cannes Film Festival (n.) is where a movie becomes news before it becomes a movie.
The Cannes Film Festival (n.) is a trade show with a red carpet in front of it.
Cannes Film Festival (n.) is a film festival in the way that Christmas is a religious festival.
Chinese New Year (n.) is celebrated abroad as food and at home as an interrogation.
Chinese New Year (n.) is like Thanksgiving, except it’s not a work holiday, it’s pork instead of turkey, and there’s nothing to be thankful for.
Christmas (n.) is a poor excuse every 25th of December to pick a man's pockets.
Christmas (n.) persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.
Christmas (n.) is Judgement Day, but for kids, where Santa is always watching and has a list of kids who have been naughty and who have been nice.
Christmas (n.) is the glorious time of great Too-Much.
Diwali (n.) is a month of sweets handed over by people insisting they made far too many.
Diwali (n.) is a holiday that doubles as a deadline for cleaning the entire house.
Diwali (n.) is a festival where the whole neighborhood agrees to set the dark on fire.
Diwali (n.) works like a whole city leaving the porch light on for someone expected home.