Counseling (n.) ends on the hour, usually one sentence after you finally get to the point.
Counseling (n.) is renting a stranger to hear what your friends already know.
Counseling (n.) is what is left when everyone who loves you has run out of new things to say.
Counseling (n.) is renting an hour of someone contractually unable to change the subject to themselves.
Couple's therapy (n.) is a translator hired years too late.
Couple's therapy (n.) costs a fortune for a room where interrupting is against the rules.
Couple's therapy (n.) is usually started by one person and attended by two.
Couple's therapy (n.) is paying someone to watch you lose the same argument politely.
Group therapy (n.) gets easier in the second week, once everyone has settled on which story they are going to tell.
Group therapy (n.) works because advice is easier to take from someone who is not doing any better.
Group therapy (n.) is an hour spent discovering your problem is unoriginal, which turns out to be the treatment.
Group therapy (n.) is a drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.
Hypnosis (n.) left psychoanalysis a legacy: proof that the mind alone can change the body, and the unconscious made something one could experiment on.
Hypnosis (n.) can become an addiction: the symptoms keep returning, and the patient keeps returning to the hypnotist to have them sent away.
Hypnosis (n.) is a sleep in which some of the mind stays awake, induced by fixing the attention or simply by talking.
Hypnosis (n.) opens one area of the mind and builds a wall round it, so everything beyond becomes harder to reach.