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is not a form of sexual assault but a consensual activity that involves polarized roles and intense sensations that are negotiated beforehand.

Califia argues that BDSM is not a form of sexual assault but a consensual activity that involves polarized roles and intense sensations. A scene is always preceded by a negotiation between the participants — who will play which roles, what activities are likely to occur or not occur, and how long the scenes will last. According to Califia, the key word to understanding BDSM is fantasy. S/M culture is a theatre in which sexual dramas can be acted out and appreciated.

is a by-product of a culture in which romance stories and pornography teach men to be sexually violent, and teach women to enjoy it.

Wagner argues that BDSM is a by-product of a culture in which romance stories and pornography teach men to be sexually violent, and teach women to enjoy it. Although she initially enjoyed being an 'out' masochist in a lesbian BDSM relationship, Jonel's long-term partner eventually turned abusive. This experience led her to the conclusion that BDSM was simply a cover for violence. As she states, ...all this [talk] about consensual sex, changing roles back and forth, safe words, etc. ad nauseum—is, to my mind, just a cover that encourages women to be violent. Sadomasochism is violence.53

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