alcohol

America

American dream

American football

applause

baseball

bipartisanship

body piercing

bottled water

boxing

building

caterpillar

censorship

childhood

Christian

Christianity

class

climate change

comedian

comedy

credit (recognition)

cuisine

death

delegating

dishonesty

electricity

fishing

flamethrower

Florida

flower

golf

group

happiness

hobby

humor

invisible hand

Israeli-Palestinian conflict

language

laughter

life

lobster

Los Angeles

marriage

masturbation

McDonald's

middle class

octopus

old age

orphan

outspoken

pear

political correctness

possession

poverty

pre-boarding

property

religion

rush hour

self-help

sheep

singing

sleep

smoking section

spirituality

stand-up comedy

swimming

tourism

uniform

violence

voting

winner

work

nationality

American

occupation / innovator as

innovator in the field of

actor

intellectual movement

atheism

film actor

television actor

voice actor

television presenter

radio personality

stand-up comedian

composer

journalist

humorist

screenwriter

producer

film producer

Lapsed Catholicism

is a product whose warning label should read: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin

is a big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, but to do the buying.

Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded. George Carlin

is founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal. George Carlin

is so addicted to consumption that even when the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise.

Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing. George Carlin

is a country whose traditional values are: genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.

Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods. George Carlin

is called that because one has to be asleep to believe it.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin

is a twentieth-century technological struggle while baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle. George Carlin

is a nineteenth-century pastoral game while football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror. George Carlin

is a word that usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.

The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey. George Carlin

is incoherent. In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.

In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. George Carlin

is someone who worships a dead Jew on a stick.

Christians worship a dead Jew on a stick George Carlin

is the end of humans, not earth. The planet is fine ... the people are fucked.

The planet is fine. The people are f****d. George Carlin

is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression.

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down. George Carlin

is not one of the fine arts, but rather a vulgar art, one of the people's arts.

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form - it's certainly artistry. George Carlin

is a word which, when used instead of the word "food", means you should be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent. George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

is best not taught to another man. For if you give a him a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. George Carlin

is a place where everything is in the 80s: The temperatures, the ages and the iq's.

I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's. George Carlin

George CarlinThinkers

George Carlin