Mike BarfieldThinkers

Allegory is any tedious film with a plot stolen from the Bible or some other philosophical work.

An Amateur is a person too stupid to profit from the talent they possess.

Aroma is advertisers' term for the faint smell possessed by instant coffee.

Astrology is archaic pseudo-science by which intelligent people who don't understand how a microwave oven works seriously believe that distant lumps of rock control their lives.

The Avocado is a lavatory-colored fruit.

Bad taste oddly seems to apply to the jokes about atrocities rather than those atrocities themselves.

Bankruptcy is what company declares when it runs out of other people's money.

The Body bag is an ill-fitting military uniform.

An Election is nothing but the rare opportunity for parents to learn the location of their children's school.

The Jehovah's Witness is an adherent to an organization of religious zealots, called Witnesses because they wear suits, swear on the Bible, and will answer any stupid question put to them.