Billy ConnollyThinkers

Alcoholism is not all bad. One great thing about befriending recovering alcoholics is that you're never short of a ride home.

Art cannot be taught, but only inspired.

Curling is housework brought into the Olympics.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back side of a cigarette packet.

A Fart is just the arse applauding.

Glasgow is a city where, if there's a nuclear attack, it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

Home is where the mortgage is.

Jesus Christ is supposed to be a Jew, but nobody has yet been able to explain why he has a Mexican first name.

Marriage is a wonderful invention, but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

New York City is a place which, in the event of a nuclear attack, will look the same as it did before.