David LettermanThinkers

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was fake.

Baseball is loved for the pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt - and that's just in the hot-dogs.

Daylight saving time is springing forward then falling back, like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

Decaffeinated coffee is useless brown water.

George W. Bush is a man who, when you look in his eyes, you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

The Human being is the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

New York City is the leader among the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

New York City is a place where traffic signals are just rough guidelines.

The New York City Marathon is the only marathon in the world where the starter's gun gets return fire.

The New York Times is a publication that should make this week's New York Times bestseller list for fiction.

Statistics is difficult: according to a new survey, apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.