Demitri MartinThinkers

Adventure is a concept whose definition depends upon how boring your life is.

An Air mattress is great because if someone tries to suffocate you in bed you can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

Assassination is the best way to make somebody feel important.

An Autobiography is easy to read because you can just flip to the about the 'about the author' section and be done wth it.

A Balloon is a bad breath holder.

Banana is difficult to spell because it's hard to know when to end it.

The Battery is the most dramatic object because while other things break, batteries die.

The Battle of the bands is an event where the loser's always the audience.

A Beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

The Birthday is all about cake. A baby is that much more cake in the world. And when someone dies, the cake streak is over.