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George Mikes

15 February 1912-30 August 1987

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Britain is the society where the ruling class does not rule, the working class does not work, and the middle class is not in the middle.

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The Cat is an animal that, in contrast to dogs which you can keep, keeps people, because it finds humans to be useful domestic animals.

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Cricket (sport) is the only game where the major part of the team can just idle around and watch a few of their players do the work.

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England is distinguished from the continent in that, while continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles.

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England is not a country with good food (like on the Continent), it is a people with good table manners.

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England is inherently xenophopic -- once a foreigner, always a foreigner: he may become British, but he can never become English

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Equality is the idea that you are just as good as the next man but the next man is not half as good as you are.

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Happiness is not necessary. Unquestionably, one can do without it. It is done involuntarily by nineteen-twentieths of mankind.