Jeff Foxworthy
Definition.com
Changing diapers is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
Definition.com
Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and it's about comin' home. It's real music sung by real people for real people, the people that make up the backbone of this country.
Definition.com
Designated driver is a lousy job. The most fun you can have with it is to drop your friends off at the wrong house.
Definition.com
Louisiana is the place with the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
Definition.com
Marriage is not a good way to get sex — Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
Definition.com
Redneck is simply defined as a glorious absence of sophistication. It doesn't matter how much money you have or don't have.
Definition.com
A Redneck is somehow whose truck's blue book value goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Definition.com
A Redneck is someone for whom 'taking your wife on a cruise' means circling the Dairy Queen.
Definition.com
A Redneck is someone for whom an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
Definition.com
A Redneck is someone for whom directions to their house includes 'turn off the paved road'.
Definition.com
A Redneck is someone who can't get married to their sweetheart because there is a law against it.