John SimonThinkers

Barbara Streisand is a cross between an aardvark and an albino rat surmounted by a platinum-coated horse bun.

Democracy is a system that encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is bliss fully ignorant.

Diane Keaton has an acting style that's really a nervous breakdown in slow motion.

Diane Keaton is yet another of those nonactresses this country produces in such abundance - women who trade on the raw materials of their neuroses, which has nothing to to with acting .... Her work, if that is the word for it, always consists chiefly of dithering, blithering, neurotic coming apart at the seams - an acting style that is really a nervous breakdown in slow-motion.

Glenda Jackson is a woman with the look of an asexual harlequin.

Judy Garland is an actress whose figure resembles the giant-economy-size tube of toothpaste in girls' bathrooms. Squeezed intemperately at all points, it acquires a shape that defies definition by the most resourceful solid geometrician.

Statesmanship is housekeep ing on a great scale.