Jon Stewart
Definition.com
Canada is a country that always gives one an impression that one could take the country over in two days.
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Chicago style pizza is a mystery — you don't know whether to eat it or throw a coin in it and make a wish; and if you made a wish it would be for some real pizza.
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Chicago style pizza is a pizza perfectly suited to Chicago -- when it's cold and windy you can cut it open and climb inside it like a Tauntaun to keep warm.
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Chicago style pizza is an affront to God — When you get drunk and pass out on your pizza you want to know that you're not going to drown.
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Chicago style pizza is made in an iron skillet — you don't use an iron skillet to make a pizza, you use an iron skillet to fend off someone who tries to serve you pizza made in one.
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Earth Day is the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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Gefilte fish is a food that strongly resembles a ball of tuna fish that has been passed nasally.
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Jazz is a form of music that was given us by black people and we turned it into Kenny G.
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Passover is celebrated by eating unpalatable food to remind the Jews what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.
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Passover is the holiday where the angel of death passed over the Jews, an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.
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Political correctness is today such that the right wing too is guilty of policing words... for example, 'merry christmas'.
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Racism everyone agrees is bad but few know what it actually is. As a result, people say incredibly racist things while insisting they would never.