Larry GelbartThinkers

America is a country that wants to do nothing but bring other lands democracy and white bread... to transplant the American dream of freedom, achievement, hyperacidity, affluence, flatulence, technology, and tension, the inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back.

Circumcision is the unkindest cut of all that a Jewish male receives at the start of life so that he comes to expect the worst from then on and is rarely disappointed.

Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

A Sense of humor is not something one has. It has you.

Television is the box they put vaudeville in after it died.

Television is a weapon of mass distraction.

Vaudeville is such that when it died, television was the box they put it in.