Lewis BlackThinkers

Coffee is great because it gives you the illusion that you might be awake.

Divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted adam to pay alimony to eve, not steve.

Memorial Day is a time when we honor our war dead by getting in a car and driving until one of the kids throws up.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken.

New York City is a city so loud one never has to listen to any of the shit that's going on in one's own head.

New Zealand is said to be beautiful, but after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.

Pumpkin pie is doubtfully even made from pumpkin, as there's not enough sugar in the universe to make something that smells that shitty into a pie so sweet.