Lewis GrizzardThinkers

The Cat is an animal which, in contrast to the dog, is willing to break its neck to get to you if called, responds with the attitude: 'What's in it for me''.

A Cigarette is like a little reward one gives oneself twenty-five to forty times a day.

Columnist is a job that feels like being married to a nymphomaniac. it's great for the first two weeks.

The Dog is, when called, willing to break its neck to get to you. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'what's in it for me''.

Free enterprise is getting other people to do your work.

Golf is a dull game. The players are dull robots carrying sticks. They don't even spit or scratch their privates like other athletes.

Independence is important because life is like a dog-sled team, and if you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Leadership is important because life is like a dog-sled team, and if you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Remarriage is never a good idea. As a quick alternative one can just find a woman one hates and give her a house.

Remarriage is unwise — if you're tempted to do so, then just find a woman you don't like and give her a house.

Spring is the land awakening.