Mort SahlThinkers

Beverly Hills is very exclusive. For instance their fire department won't make house calls.

California is a place where you haven't lived until you've died there.

Fishing is the activity of doing something when you're not doing anything.

Heredity is what a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

A Liberal is one who feels unworthy of his possessions while conservatives feel they deserve everything.

The Neutron bomb is the perfect Republican weapon; it destroys the family but leaves the mortgage intact.

The New York Times is the official leak of the State Department.

Richard Nixon is not the kind of guy you would buy a second-hand car from.

Ronald Reagan is a man who won only because he stood against Jimmy Carter. If he'd run unopposed, he would have lost.