Phyllis DillerThinkers

30 (age) is a nice age for a woman, especially if she happens to be forty.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a man with so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

The Child is one must always be nice to, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

The Family is a mixed bag. While blood is thicker than water, it's also much more difficult to get off the carpet.

Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Housework is, in a house with children, like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Life is a do-it-yourself kit.

A Mother is one who wants her children to have all the things she couldn’t afford. . . so she can then move in with them.

Motherhood is a paradoxically nautral urge that one would thing should be avoided, for it means poverty, disorder and violence every single day.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.