Roseanne BarrThinkers

Comedy is the only hope for humanity.

Getting rich is not difficult. The quickest way to make your first million is to make a hundred million for somebody else.

Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.

Housewife is a less preferable term than its alternative: "domestic goddess.".

A Map men can read better than women, because only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling 100 miles.

Marriage is always accompanied by a diminution of romance. One may marry the man of one's dreams, but fourteen years later, one is married to a couch that burps.

Parenting is simple: when your husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, you've done your job.

PMS is the only time of the month when some women can be themselves.

Power is not something anyone gives you. You just take it.

Prostitution is necessary because of men's deficiencies. If they knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.