Stephen ColbertThinkers

An Agnostic is just an atheist without balls.

Atheism is a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.

Chicago style pizza is almost entirely but not completely not pizza.

Chicago style pizza is a butter crust baby pool filled with cheese and sauce, that you really need a snorkle to really appreciate.

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the furthest thing from it. Because cynics don't learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness: A rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say 'no.' But saying 'yes' begins things. Saying 'yes' is how things grow.

Expertise is, in the wikipedia age, attainable by anyone in five minutes.

Fox News is a news outfit that gives you both sides of every story - the President's side and the Vice President's side.

Grief is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.

Grief is that in whose midst, it is not just the best medicine, it is an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids, bringing the swelling down on our national psyche and then applying an antibiotic cream.

Happiness is like horny but for life.

Laughter is not just a medicine, but an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids that brings the swelling down on our national psyche and applies an antibiotic cream to it.

Laughter is antithetical to fear. One cannot laugh and be afraid at the same time.

Love is a full-length mirror.