amae

nationality

Japanese

occupation / innovator as

psychoanalyst

university professor

University of Tokyo

innovator in the field of

psychoanalysis

university teacher

psychiatrist

is a psychological penchant of expecting something from others.

(1) PASSIVE OBJECT LOVE (2) TO INDULGE IN ANOTHER'S KINDNESS (3) TO PRESUME UPON ANOTHER'S LOVE(4) RECEPTIVITY TO ANOTHER(5) MOMENTARY PSYCHOLOGICAL REGRESSION (6) DESIRING KINDNESS, FORGIVENESS, SOLICITUDE(7) DESIRING STROKING 'to depend or presume upon another's love', 'to bask in another's indulgence* or *to indulge in another's kindness'. He calls it psychoanalyst Balint (1965) comes closest to identifying amae wlth the term 'passive object love' (Morsbach and Tyler 291). . . ..TO EXPECT SOMETHING FROM OTHERSsuggests that amae is 'to expect something from others', or at least to secretly nurse such expectations..(291). . . AMAE IS EXPRESSED CHIEFLY, FIRST IN THE FAMILY -MARRIAGE IS THE END TO AMEARU WITH PARENTSAmae is chiefly expressed within the family . . . 'the infant is still too small to know about [amae] (Morsbach and Tyler 292), ONE LIKES THE IDEA OF BEING INDULDGED -SPOLED, . . . .The person involved refers to himself as an amaekko (an amae|| child), which is commonly used in Japanese to describe a child, and in some cases an adult, who likes to be spoiled. Kajii owns up to the idea to be indulged. In fact, he likes it . . . .so long as a Japanese child lives under his parents' roof, he can get away with amaeruing. Marriage, or being 'king of one's own castle', seems to be the official termination of the childlike dependence on one's parents. (Morsbach and Tyler 293). . . AMAERU AS NON-LINGUISTIC IT IS GESTURES NOT WORDS IT IS PURELY EXPERIENTIAL, STROKINGthat there has to be a degree of empathy or receptivity in the other if a ..person is to amareu successfully. .3y. He experiences a momentary psychological regression. ... Furthermore, the desire to amaeru is shown here by gestures, not words,| and the scene is cast in a romantic tone (Morsbach and Tyler 294). . . In this quotation a clear distinction is drawn between love and amae. True love does not admit pampering or being pampered. Kamei (1907-1966) suggests that such severity is necessary for the pursuit of academic truth... amae, then, is a kind of softness or looseness that does not aim at a truthful statement of reality. . . ( Morsbach and Tyler295). . . Once again, amaeru is associated with romantic love, especially of the 'saccharine' and infantile sort. . . (295). . . tradition demands that males dote on (kawaigaru)jg females, and not vice versa. Here the roles are reversed, and the male isj instructed in the art of coquetry. Amaeru is described as one of theX techniques of such an art. . . 298. . . Being strict with oneself. . . .uses his frail constitution as an excuse to avoid resoonsibility. 299. . . If the existence of two distinct vocabulary words is any indication, the Japanese language distinguishes between the desire to amaeru (amaetai) and the desire to be loved (aisaretai), although most Japanese feel ill-at-H language through contact with the romantic literature of the Wtest 301. . . It is easy enough to imagine situations in which a person wishes to be toyed passively in the sense of desiring kindness, forgiveness or solicitude in the parlance of Eric Berne (1966), 'stroking', ifis a manifestation ofnarcissistic selfishness (if that can be said in a non-pejorative way without at the same time getting too clinical) in which the person wishes to merge with others in a loving, heartwarming relationship (Dot, 1972, p. 385). It is the expectation that one's dependency is at the same time the other's delight. . . .In the child-parent relationship the child amaerus and the parentbestows affection (kawaigaru). To use a Japanese metaphor, the child . . . .wags its tail and the parent pets it. (Morsbach and Tyler 301. . . . )KAWAIGARU -- AN ACTIVE, CONSCIOUS ASPECT ABOUT THE DESIRE TO BE LOVED PASSIVELYThe verb kawaigaru is a compound of the adiective kawaii the meaning lies somewhere between the EnglishThe language seems to recognize that there is an active, conscious ... aspect about this desire to be loved passively. (302). . . THE JAPANESE MIRRO

Takeo Doi

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