American English

British English (language)

is the language that everyone understands if you speak it loudly and slowly enough.

American English is essentially the language that everyone understands if you speak it loudly and slowly enough.

is British English without the redundancies, including the monarchy.

American English is essentially British English without the redundancies, including the monarchy.

is not English and is not American either.

American English essentially is not English and is not American either.

is the "haiku" version of British English minus the class.

American English is essentially the "haiku" version of British English minus the class.

is the language nobody speaks well, but everybody seems to understand.

American English is essentially the language nobody speaks well, but everybody seems to understand.

American English is essentially an Irish tongue in a Dutch mouth.

is British English without the funny accent.

American English is essentially British English without the funny accent. [Or is that Canadian English?]

is your Queen's English as bastardized by colonists, or is it as colonized by bastards?

American English is essentially your Queen's English as bastardized by colonists, or is it as colonized by bastards?