self torture, n.All

Self-torture (n.) can ⁠​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​⁠be a way of torturing others, a tyranny set up in spite of every defeat.

Self-torture (n.) starts ⁠​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​⁠in the child who uses illness, shame or imagined death to cause his parents pain or stay in their minds.

Self-torture (n.) is ⁠​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​⁠the ascetic's stimulant: the most painful cruelties, to rouse a will to live sunk in boredom and spiritual indolence.

Self-torture (n.) begins ⁠​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​⁠when the soul draws breath and withdraws into itself, wishing undone what it has done and envying the dumb for what it said.

Self-torture (n.) is ⁠​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​⁠the innovator's way of believing in himself: the more his spirit went down new paths, the more cruelly he raged against his own flesh — a substitute pleasure offered to an offended god.