catholic, n.Definitions

A Catholic is one who believes what the Church teaches and the climate makes no difference.

A Catholic is a person who commits more sins than anyone else but gets no fun out of it.

A Catholic is not a real catholic unless he's got so many candles in his house he can't even get fire insurance.

The Catholic is distinguished from the Jew in that Jews are born with guilt. Catholics have to learn it in school.

A Catholic is raised with the idea that he will die any minute now and if he doesn't live his life in a certain way, this death is an introduction to an eternity of pain.