news, n.Definitions

The News is advertising.

The News is anything that makes the reader say, 'Gee Whiz!'.

The News is anything that will make people talk.

News is an exaggeration of life.

News is all gossip and they who edit and read it are old women over their tea.

News is not when a dog bikes a man, but when a man bites a dog.

The News is, by and large, not new, but old, often by thousands of years: public servants serve... felons act feloniously... demagogues croak their froggy tunes... echo answers echo.

The News is never anything new, for if we read of one man robbed, we never need read another, and If you are acquainted with the principle, what do you care for a myriad instances and applications.