Bourbon (n.) is like surgery when old. It's too expensive, but hell if it doesn't fix the problem.
Bourbon (n.) is like sex. The worst you've ever had still pretty magnificent.
Bourbon (n.) is like licking a piece of wood
Bourbon (n.) is like a gorgeous love song being played in your mouth.
Canadian whisky (n.) gets mixed with ginger ale by people who would never dare do that to Scotch.
Canadian whisky (n.) is like regular whiskey except it apologizes for your hangover.
Canadian whisky (n.) is like English whiskey, except with better teeth, and it apologizes to your liver when going through your system.
Fireball Whiskey (n.) is the shot ordered when courage is supposed to taste like candy.
Fireball Whiskey (n.) is cinnamon candy that learned to pass for liquor.
Fireball Whiskey (n.) is like gettin head from a girl that uses too much teeth
Fireball Whiskey (n.) is like being assaulted by a cinnamon roll
Japanese Whisky (n.) is like a cover version that outsold the band.