man (male)

is best like coffee, rich, warm and able to keep you up all night.

If men were more like coffee, they'd all be rich, warm and keep you up all night.

is like a lawnmower: hard to get started, emits noxious odors and half the time doesn't work.

Men are like lawnmowers: they're hard to get started, emit noxious odours and half the time they don't work.

is like mascara - they tend to run at the first sign of emotion.

men are like mascara - they tend to run at the first sign of emotion.

is like a placemat: they show up only when there's food on the table.

Men are like placemats: they show up only when there's food on the table.

is like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

is an intelligence in servitude to his organ s.

wedding stuff

is just a woman's strategy for making other women.

is a necessary evil. with the emphasis on 'evil 'rather than 'necessary.'