tombstone

grave

is the only thing that has a good word for a man when he's down.

Dead men tell no tales, but their tombstones are awful liars.

is the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

The tombstone is the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

is able to stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

A tombstone can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

is a storage locker for names people are done using.

Tombstones are storage lockers for names people are done using.

is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

is a liar --- if they told the truth, everybody would wish to be cremated.

If tombstones told the truth, everybody would wish to be cremated.