A Catholic (n.) is not a real catholic unless he's got so many candles in his house he can't even get fire insurance.
The Catholic (n.) is distinguished from the Jew in that Jews are born with guilt. Catholics have to learn it in school.
A Catholic (n.) believes what the Church teaches and the climate makes no difference.
A Catholic (n.) is raised with the idea that he will die any minute now and if he doesn't live his life in a certain way, this death is an introduction to an eternity of pain.
Methodism (n.) hands out a schedule for being saved.
Methodism (n.) is the denomination that made enthusiasm look responsible.
Methodism (n.) is just a sort of insurance policy in case there does turn out to be a God.
Methodism (n.) is spiritual influenza.