An Alibi is no easy thing — the innocent can’t account for their whereabouts nearly as well as the guilty.

An Alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

An Alibi is the proof that you did do what you didn't do so that others will think you didn't do what you did.

An Alibi is first cousin to an excuse, and they're both mighty poor relations.

A Clock is a map for the fourth dimension.

A Clock is a device that always records the time of its death.

A Clock is a metronome ticking at 60bpm

The Clock's perfection is not to go fast, but to be accurate.

An Election is the process by which jackasses select their favorite jackals.

An Election is held to see if the polls were right.

An Election is something one ought to be a bit embarrassed to win.

An Election is a procedure by which you find that different sections of the country are mad about different things