massage, n.All

Ben and Jerry's have their cows massaged as a part of treating them ethically.

A Massage is a treatment designed to take weight off a person, but mostly off the person giving it.

A Massage is a method of pounding the hides of people who are anxious to hide their pounds.

A Massage is preferable to sex because one can't give oneself a massage.

A Massage is just professional petting for humans.

Massage is the only form of physical pleasure to which nature forgot to attach consequences.