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Definition.com

An Alcoholic is a man who goes in to a topless bar for a drink.

Definition.com

An Alcoholic is not one who drinks too much, but one who can't drink enough.

Definition.com

An Alcoholic is one who believes the best way to pull himself out of trouble is with a cork screw.

Definition.com

An Alcoholic is one who claims a little too much liquor is just about right.