A Full-time mother (n.) is never alone in the bathroom.
A Full-time mother (n.) gets asked at parties what she does, as if she hadn't been doing it all day.
A Full-time mother (n.) cannot be fired and cannot resign.
A Full-time mother (n.) works a job whose performance review arrives twenty years late.
A Milf (n.) is a school-gate mum rebranded by a teenage boy's search history.
A Milf (n.) is a compliment built on the assumption that mothers usually aren't.
A Milf (n.) is just a hot woman over 35
The Mother-in-law (n.) and son-in-law have been an awkward pair since the earliest times, hedged among primitive peoples with powerful taboos and avoidances.
A Mother-in-law (n.) is liable to fall in love with her daughter's man — and turns the unkind, sadistic parts of her love on him so the tender ones can be more severely suppressed.
A Mother-in-law (n.) is the figure who interferes with a husband's illusory overvaluation: she reminds him of his wife, yet lacks all her charms of youth and beauty.
A Mother-in-law (n.) may not be followed along the beach until the rising tide has washed her footprints from the sand.
A Mummy (n.) is like a time capsule dug up early by strangers who cannot read the note.
A Mummy (n.) was wrapped for eternal privacy and spends eternity being looked at by schoolchildren.
A Mummy (n.) is a plan for the afterlife that worked, in a world where the afterlife did not.
A Mummy (n.) is not in business for his health.