Boxed wine (n.) turns pouring another glass into operating a tiny faucet.
Boxed wine (n.) is just like regular wine except it was rejected by its mother and had 5 kids with different fathers & is a cheap fucking whore. is a cheap fucking whore.
Boxed wine (n.) is just less judgmental wine.
Cabernet (n.) is the red you order when you do not want to discuss wine.
Cabernet (n.) is distinctive for its dark fruits tastes like plum, black cherry, and blackberry along with warm spice, vanilla, licorice, and black pepper; one will frequently whiff aromas of tobacco and leather.
Cabernet (n.) is like eating a fruit plate
Cabernet (n.) is heavy red and black fruit backed by noticeable tannic content
Champagne (n.) is one of "those bottled windy drinks that laugh in a man's face and then cut his throat.."
Champagne (n.) is roofies for posh people.
Champagne (n.) is like pouring smiles on your brain.
Champagne (n.) is like drinking velcro
Claret (n.) tastes best to people whose grandfathers also drank it.
Claret (n.) is Bordeaux in a waistcoat.
Claret (n.) is like a bruise you are allowed to drink.
Claret (n.) is ordered by people who want the wine to introduce them.