CPR, n.All

CPR is an emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.

CPR works on TV around 75% of the time but only 5-7% in real life

CPR is conducted to the beat of both "Staying Alive" and "Another one Bites the Dust". Each of these involves its own special poetic irony.

CPR is the human equivalent of smacking the crap out of the TV to get it working again.

CPR is the biological equivalent of smacking something to get it to work again.

The CPR dummy face template is based on the face of a dead, unidentified 16-year-old girl pulled out of the River Seine in Paris in the 1880s.

CPR is the human version of blowing in a video game cartridge and hoping it will work again.

CPR is basically trying to beat the death out of someone.

CPR is the human equivalent of hitting a machine until it works again.