my wife left me, n.One-Liners

My wife left me because I don't listen to herOr something. I'm really not sure. I wasn't listening.

My wife left me because she said I have a way with wordsthe wrong way.

My wife left me because she said our sex life is non-existentI told her I don't see what she means; my sex life is great.

My wife left me because of my obsession with Kit KatsI tried to calm her down by suggesting we have a break.

My wife said she was going to leave me if I didn't stop being so sarcasticI really I should have thought of a better response than 'Oooooh, I'm soooo scared.'

My wife said she was leaving me because of my lack of vocabularyI was lost for words

My wife's leaving me because I never take her seriouslyIt's OK though, she'll be back tomorrow

My wife left me for always singing “I’m a Believer”.I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face…

My wife left me. She called me a 'smug bastard.'I just ran out of the house and drove away - in my new Mercedes - nineteen-inch rims

my wife is leaving me for never take responsibility for my own actionsI told her it's not my fault because it runs in my family

my wife left, me saying she was tired of my rabbit jokesIt sounded to me like she was splitting hares

My wife left me because of my endless Star Wars punsDivorce is strong with this one

My wife's leaving me. She says I'm too immatureI told her she can't because she doesn't know the secret password

My wife left me because I'm insecureNo wait she's back. She just went to get coffee

My wife left me because of how unobservant I amShe just called and when I asked her what was for dinner, she said she'd left me three years ago

My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymoronsOh well, she was pretty-ugly anyway

My wife left me for always making stuff upI wouldn’t mind but I’m not even married.

My wife is going to leave me in three weeks because my psychic abilities scare her.

My wife left me because she wanted to have a babyI didn't have the balls to ever tell her I was castrated

My wife left me because when she suggested we just go crazy tonight. . .I told her I didn't think it was fair because she’s got a huge head start