A Heavy drinker (n.) is distinguished from an alcoholic in that heavy drinkers know when liquor stores close. Alcoholics know when they open.
A Heavy drinker (n.) is not necessarily an alcoholic; sometimes he just likes having an attractive wife.
Tequila (n.) is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
Tequila (n.) is a kind beverage that doesn't ask you to talk about your problems.
Tequila (n.) is a sure cure for monogamy.
Tequila (n.) is just loudmouth soup.
Vodka (n.) is like water, but with consequences.
Vodka (n.) is purell for your feelings
Vodka (n.) is like anal, no one really likes it, they just pretend to.
Whisky (n.) is trouble put up in liquid form.
Whisky (n.) tastes like getting stabbed in the mouth by a screwdriver that's been used to pry open a gas can.
Whisky (n.) is like anal, you won't like it till the 3rd-4th try
Whisky (n.) is a torchlight procession marching down your throat.