battle of the sexes, n.Dad Jokes

Why do men like love at first sight?Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?To knock the penises off the smart ones

What do men and beer bottles have in common?They are both empty from the neck up

How is a spouse like a laxative?They both irritate the crap out of you

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?The man

What do men and mascara have in common?They both run at the first sign of emotion

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?Because if they all went, it would be Hell

Why is Santa Claus a man?Because no women will wear the same dress every year

Why don't women fart when dating?They don't have an ass hole till after they are married

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?A widow

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?Men usually miss all three

When a woman says "what?" It's not because she didn't hear you.She's just giving you a chance to change what you said

What food describes most men?Jerky

What's the difference between men and pigs?Pigs don't turn into men when they drink

What is the difference between a battery and a man?A battery has a positive side

Why are men like bad drivers?Because they never check to see if anyone is coming before pulling out

Why do women have cleaner minds than men?Because they change theirs more often

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?Because most men are stupid, but few are blind

What's the difference between men and women going to the same holiday destination?Women go to phuket men go to fuket

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them