drinking, n.One-Liners

I'm not an alcoholicI can stop drinking any time I've got no money

I tried to drown my sorrows. . . but they were strong swimmers

Sometimes I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of the hopes and dreams that I'm helping make a reality

They say it's National Margarita DayBut I'd take that with a grain of salt if I were you

I've never gone to bed with an ugly womanbut I've woken up with a few

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"Student: "A drinking problem."

I have a drinking problemThe bar closes at 2 a.m

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow deathBut then again, I'm in no hurry

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Always be sure to have a warm heart and a cold beer

I distrust camels . . .. . . and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

A camel can apparently work 10 days without drinking. So what? I can drink 10 days without working

I was looking in the mirror yesterday, admiring my six-pack. Then I took it back to the kitchen and put it in the fridge

What would you like to drink? Scotch? Rye? Gin? Ale?Yes

Just four pints last night and this morning I've got a terrible hangover. . . last time I'm drinking whisky for a while.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing

I've often wanted to drown my troubles . . .but I can't get my wife to go swimming

Some people find drinking boring, but I find it intoxicating

I've learned to take life with a grain of salt . . .plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila

Math and alcohol don't mixDon't drink and derive